What the hell!
by JacexClary-4evr
Summary: Basic Kanda hating Allen... Or is it? Definate twist! R&R And don't kill me? I'm trying my best to do well as a writer .


**Hey guys it's me with a whole new story! I know I should probably finish my other one first but hell I had this idea buggin around in my head for FOREVER! Anyway I hope you enjoy this one as much as the other one!**

**DISCLAIMER! I DON'T OWN D. GRAY-MAN! *runs off crying* if I did Allen would be even more amazing and Kanda would be friggin epic!**

**ENJOY THE STORY!**

"A small, white haired male was found dead this morning in his apartment by neighbors," the reporter on the TV said, "He was about 19 years old. The police have no information at this time but they are extremely curious because of the circumstances that the body was found."

"Hey Kanda!" a red haired male yelled as he kept his eyes glued to the television. "Come here quick!"

The door to a room down the hall was opened slowly, the hinges creaking. A few soft footsteps were heard coming towards the television room. The footsteps stopped at the door way and a rough, male voice said, "What the fuck do you want? I was asleep Lavi, you idiot." The speaker glared at the red head.

Lavi turned around and looked up at the dark haired male that is Kanda. He grinned at the obviously pissed of samurai. "I found him," was all Lavi said. "He's here."

Kanda sucked in a breath between his clenched teeth and sat next to Lavi. Looking in Lavi's eyes Kanda asked "He's here? Like for real? You better not be fucking with my head Usagi or I'll kick your scrawny little ass to the next millennium."

Lavi, unfazed by the death glare that was being sent directly at him, merely pointed at the television. Kanda allowed his eyes to follow Lavi's finger to look at the screen. Once he was fully looking at the screen he saw the boy's body on the floor of the apartment. He sucked in another, shaky breath not believing what his eyes were seeing. He tore his eyes from the TV and looked at Lavi again, questioning him if it was true. The red head nodded minutely and saw the heartbroken look that took its place in Kanda's eyes. He placed his hand on the cold samurai's shoulder and was shocked when Kanda placed his head on Lavi's shoulder, allowing Lavi's hand to move to the small of his back. Kanda biting his lip to keep the tears from leaking from his eyes wrapped his arms around the red head's waist startling said red head even more.

"Kanda? Are you ok?" Lavi asked, concerned for his friend. "Do you need anything? Should I leave and let you be alone?"

Kanda shook his head viciously and said quietly, "being alone will only destroy my mind right now… I can't be alone right now or I will be joining Allen in the sky."

Lavi's eyes widened at this comment. "He really meant a lot to you didn't he?" he said, rubbing slow, soothing circles on Kanda's quivering back.

The samurai nodded. "More than you could ever know Lavi. He was my world and my light. He meant everything to me. And now that he's gone I don't think I'll be able to do anything." He said as he fell asleep from the emotional turmoil in his mind.

Lavi nodded looking at the door to the television room as Kanda slept on the couch, "I hope that was sufficient for you Allen." He said, glowering at the white haired boy now entering the room. "Do you see that he really did care for you and wanted you around?"

Allen hung his head and answered, "I was an idiot… I never wanted to hurt him. I always thought that he hated me because of what I am. I let my fears get the best of me and ran away instead of going to him and asking him myself. I wouldn't blame him if he hated me because of what I've done…" Allen's voice trailed off as he mentally berated himself. Lavi, having noticed this, put an arm around Allen's shoulders pulling him close attempting to calm him down enough to talk again. Allen burst into tears and buried his head in Lavi's shoulder, staining the shirt. Lavi rocked him back and forth gently to help him relax. As this was happening, Lavi noticed Kanda had awoken and heard everything that Allen had said. Lavi nodded to Kanda, assuring him that the scene he was witnessing was actually happening. Kanda sat up quietly and sat on the other side of Allen.

Allen was completely oblivious to this because the samurai was to quiet and he was sobbing his guts out. Kanda added an arm on top of Lavi's, and drew Allen closer to himself. Allen gasped at the sudden change in position and looked up to see Kanda looking at him with a tender look in his usually dead and emotionless eyes. Allen looked down at the floor not wanting to get hit by Kanda for being so stupid and looking so weak. He was surprised when he felt a thin, slender finger slip under his chin and lift his head up. Kanda allowed Allen to lay his head on his shoulder and cry, not saying anything or doing anything to scare the younger boy. He only rubbed soothing circles on the boy's back. A few minutes later Allen regained hi s composure and lifted his head from Kanda's shoulder to look him in the eye. Kanda being as stoic as ever, merely gazed back into the mesmerizing gray eyes that were filled with pain, longing, and self-loathing.

"I know you hate me Kanda, I was a horrible, pathetic weakling and couldn't face you because of the fear of rejection… I'm sure you'd rather have me gone and out of your life so that you could do what you needed to do in order to live." Allen said, hanging his head again keeping the tears out of his eyes.

"Moyashi," Kanda said quietly. "I don't hate you. Yes you were stupid for not coming to me and talking to me about this but I understand what was going through your head. I've been battling the same thing I think." Allen looked up at him at this a glimmer of hope filling his eyes. "I've wanted to tell you for a long time that I'm in love with you. But I didn't know how to tell you so I came off as aloof and uncaring. I am so sorry that you felt you had to run away from me…"

"Y-you love me?" Allen stammered. "But I'm ugly, and weak. How can you love me?" he shook his head and looked down at his hands in his lap.

Kanda noticing this sighed and pulled Allen closer to him, wrapping his arms around the boy tightly, not letting any negative space between them and whispered, "You are not ugly, nor are you weak. I only said those things because I was scared to tell what I really wanted to say… that you are perfect and strong. You are so much stronger than myself, you aren't afraid to be true to yourself, you don't care what others think of you and you are always willing to help those in pain and the lonely people as well. I wanted to be like that but I have never been able to because of how people expect me to act… it's a real burden and it sucks cause I can't be what I really am. I know that makes me sound like a loser and stupid but that's why I come off as uncaring and angry all the time." After saying this Kanda laid his head on Allen's shoulder to hide his tear filled eyes. **(A/N OMFG Kanda actually has a heart! How trippy is that notion! Hahaha! I promise I'm just kidding!) **

Allen, shocked by Kanda's actions, stayed on the couch with Kanda's head on his shoulder. _'Is he ok? He never acts like this… with anybody, not even Lenalee. Why is he doing so with me when all I am is a burden to him?' _Allen asked himself, not letting his thoughts play across his face. Lavi, the ever inquisitive Bookman, saw Allen put on the mask to hide the thoughts and raised an eyebrow in the boy's direction to ask him what was going on. Allen shook his head minutely, not wanting to get to emotional with the samurai on his shoulder. Allen looked down at Kanda and found that he had fallen asleep in his position, appearing comfortable with his head on Allen's shoulder and his arms near the boy's hips. Allen sighed and attempted to move Kanda into a more comfortable position, however when he tried Kanda tightened his grip on Allen and mumbled, still asleep, "Don't leave me Moyashi, I can't live without you again…"

Allen and Lavi's eyes widened at the samurai's words. "Moyashi," Lavi said, keeping his voice low to not wake the samurai. "What are you going to do not that he's said that?" He looked at the boy to wait for the answer. He watched Allen battle himself, the battle going on rapidly across Allen's face. He rested a hand on Allen's only free shoulder and tried to help him with his mental battle, "you don't have to answer now but you do need to do so quickly." He said his sparkling green eye boring into Allen's.

"I'm afraid I'll lose him if I say anything to him…"Allen whispered behind his hair, as he thought of the biggest thing on his mind. Lavi, noticing this, took pity on the boy and asked, "Do you not know how to tell him? Is that why you're kinda freaking out?" he put his arm around Allen's shoulder's as best he could with Kanda still on Allen's lap. Allen nodded and looked Lavi in the eye, his own eyes shining with unshed tears of shame and embarrassment. Lavi chuckled, "Buddy boy you need to relax, you're gonna give yourself an aneurism with all of this floating in your head all the time." He tried all he could to help the boy with his inner struggle but nothing seemed to be working.

"Lavi, you and I both know that Kanda would flip if he found out that I'm well you know…" Allen said a serious look on his face. "I don't want to tell him yet mostly because he only sees me as a boy… I'll tell him just not now ok?"

Lavi frowned at Allen and shook his head, "Do what you want but Kanda deserves more credit than what you're giving him right now. He can handle whatever is thrown at him." With that Lavi got up and walked out of the room. Stopping at the door and looking back at Allen still on the couch with Kanda asleep in his lap, Lavi said, "If you ever want help with anything I know Kanda will help you better than I can, he will do whatever he needs to in order to keep you safe from harm, just remember that when you think about him." With that he left the boy in the room and went to bed.

After watching Lavi leave the room, Allen sighed and asked the sleeping man, "What would you say if I told you I'm not what you think I am, would you leave me to die, would you stay and help me when I need you?" he sighed again, "look at me, I'm talking to a sleeping man almost expecting an answer to the millions of questions running through my head right now." Allen laughed at himself and thought, _I don't think he'd be able to help me right now because of what I really am, I would disgust him. _Allen moved Kanda slightly on his lap to make him more comfortable, and so that he himself could sleep.

The next morning Allen woke to the smell of bacon and waffles being cooked in the nearby kitchen. Stretching he got up from his position on the couch, where he'd fallen asleep, and walked into the kitchen. Rubbing his eyes to rid them of the sleep still lingering in them, he mumbled a "good morning" not really taking in the fact that Kanda was the one cooking the delicious meal that was making Allen's mouth water. He sat at the table and waited for the food to get done so that he could eat. Kanda chuckled at how Allen was acting. He quickly finished cooking and set the heaping plates in front of Allen and said "eat up cause we've got work to do today." He grabbed his own food, sat down and began eating rapidly.

Allen nodded and practically inhaled his food. He finished right after Kanda put his plate in the sink. After he was done and had put the dirty dishes away he went to his room to quickly get dressed. As soon as he had bound his chest he left the room and met Kanda by the front door. **(A/N: I wonder what's going on there… hahaha I know I'm being kinda mean but who cares I'm the one writing this! Anyway don't kill me please?) **

"You ready to go Moyashi?" Kanda asked as he opened the door and stepped out into the morning air, looking back for a moment to see if Allen was indeed coming with him or not. Allen simply nodded, following the Japanese man to the outside. Allen wondered where Lavi was but ignored it because the red haired man always seemed to vanish on a mission. He followed the samurai to a nearby cemetery to begin the search for the Innocence they had been sent to find. As they looked around they noticed a strange grave marker that had the name of Mana Walker. Kanda looked at Allen questioningly and asked, "Did you know we were this close to his grave Moyashi?"

Allen shook his head and answered, "I had no idea, I wish I'd known though cause then I could've brought some of his favorite flowers…" he hung his head and sighed. "I think we should go now Kanda… this doesn't feel right to me…" He grabbed Kanda's hand and pulling him towards the entrance.

Kanda, being caught off guard, instinctively pulled back. When another tug was felt he remembered that the hand belonged to Allen and complied to the urgency that emanated from the boy. They quickly ran from the cemetery and back to the city. They found Lavi walking around with not a care in the world; they stormed up to him, each grabbing one of his ears. "Where the hell have you been Usagi?" Kanda snarled. "You fucking disappeared when I specifically told you not to. You need me to be your fucking babysitter now or something asswipe?" Kanda glared at Lavi.

Allen, also perturbed by Lavi's action hissed in his ear, "You really need to be on fucking task and not chasing every fucking skirt you come across, you're almost as bad as that fucking bastard Cross. I'm not gonna put up with that shit anymore, I don't fucking give a shit if you do it while we're not on a mission but when we are on a mission I fucking expect you to do your god damned job or I will fucking castrate you with a rusty spoon with you tied down on a medieval torture rack and stretch you as I'm castrating you." He glared and suddenly changed cheerful. "You better be on your best behavior Lavi or face the consequences."

Lavi and Kanda both stared at the boy in disbelief, not knowing their mouths were wide open until Allen informed them of the matter. They looked at each other with fear in their eyes and looked back at Allen with their jaws flapping in the wind. Allen laughed and started walking back to the apartment they were staying in. Noticing that they weren't following him, Allen called over his shoulder, "You two coming or what? I'm not afraid to leave you two out here all night if I have to cause you both have the tendency to piss me off." He kept walking.

Kanda was the first to shake off the stupor that had fallen over him and Lavi. He quickly walked after Allen so that he wasn't left behind and locked outside with the idiot all night. "Hey Allen, wait up." He said as he caught up to Allen, matching his stride easily. Looking over at the boy he asked, "You wouldn't really lock me outside with that idiot… Would you?"

Allen chuckled darkly and looked at Kanda sideways saying, "You really think I wouldn't?" He chuckled more and more until he was almost on the ground laughing so hard. "Kanda you crack me up some times. You really think I'd put up with the both of you arguing every single fucking day?"

Kanda stopped in his tracks a puzzled expression on his face. "What the hell is your problem Moyashi? As far as I know neither Lavi or I have done anything so far to deserve the way you're treating us. How is it that you have the balls to do this and why're you acting like such a friggin girl" Kanda was getting tired of this and was going to get to the bottom of the Moyashi's attitude change and mood swings.

Allen stopped a few feet in front of Kanda and glared at him. "That is none of your business BaKanda, I'm just having an off day so leave me alone and quit pestering me ok?" Allen quickly ran to the apartment, leaving Kanda standing there in the road, and locked the door behind him. After he was sure the two men wouldn't be coming in he went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror on the wall. He was startled by how he looked, white and about to pass out. "I need to take a shower and wash my clothes." Allen said to himself, starting to unbutton his Exorcist jacket.

As he undressed, he started the water to get it to the right temperature. After he had rid himself of his jacket and shirt, he sighed and started taking off the bandages he had wrapped tightly around his chest. Once they were off Allen, breathed a sigh of relief, as his growing chest was freed and he was able to breathe properly. Chuckling to himself he said, "I really need to get a bra that will do its job right I'm getting tired of hiding the fact that I'm a girl cause I seriously need to get the gay guys off my back…" she sighed and stepped into the shower. (**A/N: *jaw drops* OMG did I really just write that? Hahahaha yes yes I did. I thought you guys could use a huge plot twist. What will happen now and why has Allen been hiding her actual gender from everyone? Keep reading to find out k? keep reading and don't hate me?)**

Letting the warm water soothe her aching muscles, Allen closed her eyes and let her mind surrender to the thoughts that were constantly attacking her brain. As she relaxed she felt a little guilty for leaving the two boys outside but she got over it quickly. She continued to relax as the water streamed down her body. She grabbed her bottle of shampoo and conditioner and proceeded to wash her hair, wanting to get the feeling of blood out of her hair. She let the shampoo sit in her hair for a little bit while she used her body wash to get the residual blood off her body. After she finished her shower she stepped out, wrapping a towel around her body as she went to her room to grab her clothing. On her way she heard pounding on the door, knowing that it was the boys she merely ignored it and went about her business getting dressed as a male to keep up with the façade that she was forced to keep because of her promise to one Cross Marian.

She sighed as soon as she rewrapped her growing chest putting on the normal attire of her male version. _I really hate that I can't be true to what I actually am. I wish I didn't have to parade as a guy. _She thought as she went to open the door. As she walked to the door she made sure that her own bedroom door was open for a quick escape from the two angry men. She placed her hand on the handle, took a deep breath and opened the door to reveal a pair of confused and angry men. She smiled and ran to her room locking the door behind her. Smirking at the pounding on her door she went to the CD player that she had brought, turned it on and put the Les Miserables Broadway Musical CD that she had received from Mana. She turned the music up loud as a fist began pounding on the door. She squealed like the absolute girl she is, when the song Bring Him Home came on.

Kanda, who had been pounding on Allen's door for about 5 minutes heard the girlish squeal that had emitted from within the room. He stopped pounding looking at the door in complete puzzlement, _what the HELL was THAT? _ He thought, _why is there a girl in Moyashi's room? He's the last person I'd ever think of that would have a girl, other than Lenalee or Miranda, in his room. That ain't fucking normal!_ He resumed pounding on Allen's door, yelling at him to open up. Allen, after getting fed up with the incessant pounding on her door, turned the music down and went to open her door.

**a/n HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SUCKERZ! I'm totally kidding I love yous guys! I know I'm supposed to be working on my other fic but this onehas been buggin around DX anyway hope you liked the first chapter of **_**what the hell? **_** I'll update when I can!**


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